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THE ABS MAN COMETH!
Zebedee was going down within the next few hours, and they all knew it. A cold
wind blew across the face of the mountain chilling the group of people that
stood there in the early morning light. A horse nearby whinied and the calming
voice of it's owner could be faintly heard over the roar of the wind. The
leader of the group looked around at his followers, and shivering slightly he
quickly raised the hood of his magicians cloak. Good old shargoth, he thought
and then paused for a moment as the reality of what had happened passed over
him. He knew the score, he'd paid for it too often, so many years of fighting
for a cause and there were always causaulties. He'd asked the old man kindly
if he could borrow the cloak, he'd even offered him a much warmer one what with
the cold weather, but the old man had be adamant and then there had been that
one false move. He looked down at the little dwarf besides him and sighed, she
hadn't meant to, it had just happened.. oh well.
Jacques wrapped his arms around the little dwarf comforting her.
Jacques says: It wasn't your fault, so you mustn't feel bad about it.
He looked at her hair for a moment, ' oh the poor thing ' he thought and slowly
reached for his bamboo knife.
Jacques says: Come on lets cut out the burnt bits from your hair shall we and
sort out the rest of it.
The little dwarf sniffed and nodded slowly.
Jacques gently loosened the little dwarfs pigtails and started to cut out the
burnt hairs whilst holding the roots tightly so as not to hurt the little mite.
When he'd finished he gently bunched her hair together and tied the pigtails
back.
Jacques says: All better now?
He pulled her towards him and cuddled her tightly, before wiping away the tears
on her cheeks.
She smiled up at him and then blushed and giggled. Malystryx sniffs sorrowfully
and then says: : yup, thankyooooooooooooooooooooJacques.
Malystryx runs off madly and then bounces around the mountainside for a while,
before shivering and running back to the huddle.
Right, he thought, back to the task at hand that they really weren't prepared
for. He looked at his own equipment for a moment: Broadsword, large shield,
rainbow pendant, a small glass jar, a bag and a quiver and a huge set of hooded
dragon armour. That armour really is stupidly heavy, he thought, but a better
suit of armour I have yet to find. He looked over at his companions and sighed.
Jacques thought: This won't be easy, we're barely equipped, although we were
fortunate enough to enlist the help of the suicidal drill sergeant.
Jacques looked over towards the Sergeant equipped with a very sharp katana, a
dark dagger as well as a huge padded jacket.
Jacques thought: oh yes, and the nets
Jacques looked sorrowfully at the 15 nets strapped to the sergeants back.
Jacques says: Backlog are those nets really necessary?
Backlog says: You never know when you might need them, you can never have
enough! I will get h im, I will kill that mage if it's the last thing I do!
They had needed a cleric for this quest, but unfortunately there hadn't been
that many around. Jacques looked at the stocky Gulley Dwarf to his left and
paused, as if answering the unasked question the Dwarf spoke to him.
Highbulp says: So when are we starting out Jacques?
Highbulp says: I am ready to slay those orcs, I will duck to the left and weave
to the right and defeat them YET again! They are no match for me and my
powerful spells, for I shall walk in amongst them and the place shall be ablaze
with light and as they burn from the magic I will smite them down with my
mystical hammer of justice!
Backlog says : We're not killing orcs Highbulp.
Highbulp pauses.
Highbulp says: Then I shall silence the mage and after idling for 20 minutes or
so, I shall reappear and silence him again and then protected by Tumkars'c
glowing chainmail which I bought for only 2k from the shop, I shall smite down
upon him with my mystical hammer and all shall know that I highbulp fear noone!
Backlog says: We're not killing Parsalian either
Highbulp looks worried for a moment.
Highbulp says: I don't know how to fight anything else, I can't do it, let me
out of here.
Highbulp screams: Sunrise pr otect me and runs down the hill and disappears into
the village at the bottom.
Jacques sighs: I guess he's not coming and now it's just us three.
THUD.
The group pause for a moment
THUD.
The stones on the ground start to rattle slightly
THUUD
The stones begin to bounce on the ground.
THUUUUD
The trader screams in terror before jumping on his horse and galloping away at
a rate of knots.
THUUUD THUUUD
The group start to look worried and prepare themselves as quickly as they can,
but they stand panicy at the tall object that is slowly making its way up from
the Desolate valley.
THUUUD THUUUUD
The ground starts to tremble and shudder and Jacques and Backlog are hurled to
the ground in the impact. Malystryx leaps abhout nimbly avoiding the tremors as
best she can.
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR
A huge green monster storms into view over the edge of the hill and thunders
towards the group.
Hulk say s: WHERE is my widowmaker! Who has taken my widowmaker! I want my
widowmaker!
Jacques says: are you not joining us on our quest Hulk?
Hulk says: Have you got my widowmaker! WHERE IS IT?!
Malystryx appears from behind Hulk and smiles sweetly.
Malystryx says: Isn't that it in your backpack Hulk?
Hulk says: WHAT! Oh yes ... er.. this seems to be it.. er yes.. er
Hulk roar loudly and the echos bounce around the surrounding mountains
Hulk coughs for a second.
Jacques says: When you're ready Hulk, it looks like it's just us for the
moment.
Nefarious shimmers into sight.
Nefarious dances around madly waving a hand full of chains in the air.
Nefarious says: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAahaahhahahahahaha
Nefarious laughs madly
Nefarious says: I have you all, noone can escape me! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nefarious leaves down.
Jacques raises an eyebrow.
Backlog groans.
Backlog says: Not this again! It's bloody shackles! How i'd love to shove those
irritating things down his ugly little throat...
Backlog shouts down the hill: .... and I hope he chokes on them!
Jacques sighs: Malystryx can you do something about these?
Malystryx shakes her head.
Jacques says: Sergeant Backlog how about you?
Backlog sighs and shrugs.
Landsweeper thunders in.
Jacques smiles to himself.
Jacques says: I think I have an idea.
When we left our intrepid heroes last time, they had just been shackled by
Nefarious the evil prison warden, how will the escape from this predigament?
Jacques says: Right, it's time to shake of the shackles!
Jacques shouts: In the name of shackles riddance and get on with this
questness....... CHARGE!
Jacques charges towards Landsweeper!.
Landsweeper knocks Jacques down to the floor and takes the shackles
Jacques winks at Backlog and leaves down.
5 minutes later.....
Jacques surveys the group and smiles.
Jacques says: At last we are ready. Our quest should we choose to accept it is
to infiltrate the Tower of Slim and seek out the red button!
Lightning flashes across the sky and is followed by the ominous rumble.
Backlog and Malystryx jump in surprise and Hulk just stands there.
Hulk says: huh?
Backlog says: Not the RED BUTTON!
Jacques looks grim.
Jacques says: Yes Backlog, it's too late for anything else, the RED BUTTON is
our only hope.
Backlog looks shocked, but gathers his courage. Malystryx looks up from where
she is standing and smiles sweetly. She pauses for a second and looks
sheepishly at her left hand, which is currently holding a very nice emerald
pendant. She looks around and failing to find anywhere, she hides her hand
behind her back and smiles innocently before darting quickly behind Hulk.
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Hulk shouts: WHERE IS MY EMERALD PENDANT!
Miraculously an emerald pendant suddenly appears out of nowhere around Hulk's
neck. Malystryx suddenly reappears where she was and starts to play with her
hair.
Malystryx says: You're wearing it silly
Malystryx smiles sweetly at Hulk.
Hulk says: OH yes... yes it was here all along.. yes.
Jacques says: Come on, we must head off towards the lands of Shangreen!
Jacques says: The boat awaits us! CHARGE!
Jacques charges down the hill at a rate of knots.
Malystryx vanishes from sight.
Backlog stops to tighten the nest on his back and then plunges on after them.
Hulk roars!
Hulk charges into battle with the grace of a brick shit house!
Hulk smashed tiny stone with a bone crunching sound.
Hulk massacred tiny stone into even tinier fragments.
Hulk roars at tiny stone.
Malystryx appears beside Hulk and taps him lightly on the shoulder.
Hulk says: huh?
Malystryx says: the boat.
Hulk nods in comprehension and roaring thunders down towards the harbour.
Malystryx vanishes from sight.
In the distance you hear.
Jacques shouts: In the name of Stones and all friendly living creatures....
CHARGE!..
Meanwhile at the harbour.
Hulk is standing by the harbour waiting for the arrival of the others. He has a
big smile on his face as he cradles the Widowmaker is his hands.
Malystryx appears with a bag saying Reaver's loot in her hands, which she
quickly slips into Hulk's backpack.
Hulk says: huh?
Malystryx smiles and says: your bag was coming off so I fixed it
Hulk says: Ah.. er.. right...
Backlog steps from the shadows
Backlog says: where is he? I know he's here somewhere! I will defeat him.
Backlog grabs a net from the strap on his back and flourishes it readily.
Reaver arrives.
Reaver cackles madly
Reaver backstab Hulk
Reaver hit Hulk extremely hard.
Reaver says: AHAHAH you cannot attack me back it is written!
Hulk smashed Reaver with a bonecrunching sound!
Hulk massacred Reaver into tiny fragments!
Reaver sidesteps to avoid the next blow
Hulk roars loudly.
Reaver died.
You see some dark mists gathering, or perhaps you are just imagining it!
Hulk swats again at the fly near his head.
Hulk says: stupid thing, go away.
Jacques charges in and trips over the corpse of Reaver.
Jacques curses and picks himself up.
Jacques says: Ok are we ready ? and what happened to Reaver?
Hulk says: Huh? Reaver? Where?
Backlog looks at him and readies the net.
Malystryx smiles sweetly and points at Hulk.
Jacques says: Ok not time to deal with this, everyone on the boat!
Pause.
Jacques says: Ok the boat's not here, we'll just we'll just wait for it to
arrive.
2 minutes later.
Jacques walks over to Malystryx and whispers in her ear
Jacques whispers: What exactly did you tell him?
Malystryx whispers back: the boat.
Jacques says: Ahh
Jacques quietly goes to the edge of the pier and looks into the water.
Jacques says: Well I found the boat.....
Hulk says: 'Boat' and then smiles happily.
Backlog looks at Malystryx and Jacques and shrugs.
Malystryx says: Let's swim!
Backlog says: We could use Transport to get there quickly!
Hulk says: Boat.... SMASH....
Backlog says: It's easy all you have to do is say the word transport and you're
there. How long does it take to say a simple word
Backlog pauses.
Backlog looks at Hulk.
Backlog dives into the water closely followed by Malystryx. Jacques looks at
Hulk.
Jacques says: Come on, let's go.
Jacques shouts: In the name of all swimmers and all nasty fish that we don't
want anywhere near us as we swim to shangreen............. CHARGE!
Jacques dives into the water.
Hulk says: BOAT
A fly starts to buzz around Hulk's head.
Hulk says: stupid fly.
Hulk swipes his sword at fly.
Reaver arrives.
Hulk smashed Reaver with a bonecrushing sound.
Hulk annihilated Reaver with awesome power!
Reaver died.
You see some dark mists gathering, but perhaps you're just imagining it.
Hulk smashed fly with a bonecrushing sound.
Fly died.
Hulk smiles.
Hulk says: dead fly, hur hur hur.
Hulk roars.
Hulk smashes the sign and dives into the water.
We last left our group swimming towards the lands of shangreen with the
hope of reaching the fabled red button. Will they make it ? - Who knows
what will happen in the next thrilling installment of:
A large muddy hand pulls the bulking figure of Jacques up the bankside.
Jacques puffs and coughs, cursing his heavy armour.
Wiping the mud from his arms the fighter notices several bubbles forming
on the surface of the water, puzzlement turns to panic and he throws his
hand into the murky depths.
After fishing around for a few seconds Jacques grunts and pulls a sodden
lump out of the water and drops it with a squelch by the jetty.
The soaked pile sneezes!
The pile splutters: My little dwarfy hands couldn't paddle fast enough.
The small pile of wet clothes and bags cuddles Jacques.
One by one the other adventurers clamber onto the banks of Shangreen and
look about, Backlog looks at the muddy tracks and signals the all clear.
The lumbering form of Hulk stomps towards the party and then takes a deep
breathe and holds it.
Jacques says: Um Hulk, your suppost to hold your breath before you enter
the water. Hulk looks annoyed and stomps about.
Jacques says: Ok, we need to find the tower of slim for that damned button.
In a well practised team movement Jacques picks up the wet pile and chucks
it to Backlog.
The wet pile says: oof!
Backlog takes one of his nets and drops the soaking pile into it and gives
it to Hulk.
Hulk pulls the strings of the net and it squeezes litres of water out of
the sodden bundle, he then turns it over and opens the net.
Malystryx falls to the ground.
Jacques is annoyed and says: Hulk - I told you to carry Maly on your shoulders!
Hulk looks offended and shouts: HULK DID!
Malystryx sniffs and says: Yup, but you swam across using backstroke dopey!
The little thief arranges her pigtails and bags and pouts.
Jacques rolls his eyes and takes charge of the situation.
Jacques says: Right Sergeant Backlog, I want you to use stealth and check the
road between here and slims tower, I need to know what we face.
Backlog salutes.
Jacques taps his foot and says: Go on then.
Malystryx giggles and says: I smelled him leave :)
Jacques mutters about 'sneak' and nods.
Backlog runs into the room in a daze.
Backlog begins to swap bags and scrolls around and checks his nets.
Backlog makes sure his dagger is poisoned.
Backlog says a prayer.
Backlog puts some pork in a bag.
Jacques asks: WELL BACKLOG??
Backlog says: I just ran up to slims tower and HE was there.
Hulk says: who there?
Backlog says: HIM!
Malystryx says: Who him ?
Backlog says: my nemesis!
Jacques says: Ah, Dalamar - damn highbulp could have wanred us if he logged on.
Hulk roars and shouts: HULK SMASH PUNY MAGE WEAKLING!
Backlog agrees but looks worried.
Jacques bops Hulk on the head.
Jacques says: You're not in range, only backlog can attack him, he needs help.
Hulk stomps about and obliterates a daisy.
Backlog says: Right i just asked Tamser, Pollux, Idiac, Ishmael, Commadore,
Galadriel, Raistlen and everyone playing if they would help me kill a
something and they all said yes...
Jacques says: So whats the problem ?
Backlog says: Um, I didn't mention it was Dalamar they would be fighting.
Jacques says: Oh dear, well you will have to mention it, else they might notice
when the meteors begin to fly.
Backlog nods.
Backlog says: Ok i just told them all.
Tamser shouts: gotta go to school guys...
Pollux shouts: AFK um..work.
Idiac shouts: Idling.
Ishmael shouts: I'm a pacifist.
Commadore shouts: balls.
Galadriel was idle in the open anyway.
Raistlen shouts: I dont want to use my wand up, I need it to idle properly for
weeks on end for no real reason.
Backlog goes hmmmm.
Backlog swears till he's blue in the face.
Jacques comforts Backlog.
Malystryx hugs Backlog.
Hulk annihilates a blade of grass with awesome power!
Dalamar arrives.
Dalamar creates a swarm of red hot meteors.
Backlog wields a net.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Dalamar barbecued Backlog to a crisp!
Backlog hits Dalamar very hard.
Dalamar hit Backlog very hard.
Dalamar concentrates, chanting words that writhe in the air!
Dalamar mutters: pendants...
3 cats arrive in search of Dalamar.
Backlog throws a net.
Dalamar is caught in a net!
Backlog hits Dalamar very hard.
Backlog hit Dalamar hard.
Backlog roars.
Backlog leaps.
Dalamar rolls his eyes.
Backlog leaps.
Backlog hit Dalamar very hard.
Malystryx bounces around.
Hulk roars.
Jacques shakes his head.
Dalamar taps his foot.
Backlog hit Dalamar extremely hard.
Backlog smashed Dalamar with a bonecrushing sound.
Everyone cheers.
Dalamar escapes from the net.
Dalamar creates a swarm of red hot meteors.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Meteor strikes Backlog.
Dalamar totally incinerated Backlog!
Dalamar hit Backlog very hard.
Backlog throws a net.
Backlog throws a net.
Backlog throws a net.
Backlog throws a net.
Backlog takes scroll from bag 2.
Backlog takes scroll from bag 2.
Backlog takes scroll from bag 2.
Backlog takes scroll from bag 2.
Backlog reads a scroll.
Backlog disappears in a puff of smoke.
Dalamar takes net.
Dalamar takes net.
Dalamar takes net.
Dalamar takes net.
Dalamar nods and leaves north.
Jacques says: Hmm one down.
Hulk roars: HOORAH BACKLOG WINS!
Malystryx giggles inanely.
Jacques sighs deeply.
Jacques says: Let's go people.
Jacques shouts: In the name of poor thief abils and silly items....CHARGE!
Faust shouts: Oh do shut up!
The waves lashed gently against the shores of shangreen, shaking the pier
and spraying the three people standing on it. The wind blew fiercely whipping
at their faces, and billowing their cloaks out behind them.
Hulk says: HULK NOT LIKE WATERY WET STUFF!
Hulk massacred raindrop into small fragments
Hulk annihilated raindrop with awesome power.
Jacques says: Hulk, you cannot fight the weather you know.
Hulk says: HULK FIGHT ANYTHING! HULK SMASH PUNY WEATHER!
Jacques sighed and ducked the Hulks latest swing, before looking at the little
girl hiding under his robe.
Jacques says: Malystryx, they're only raindrops, they won't hurt you you know.
Malystryx sniffed
Malystryx says: But there are a lot of them out there.
Malystryx shouts: *THIEF POWER* and then ducks under Jacques cloak again.
Jacques shook his head and cuddled the little girl tightly, and then paused to
think a while.
Hulk exterminated raindrop with a silly message.
Jacques thought: We need someone else, I don't think the three of us is going.
Jacques consulted the who list for a moment and then sent out the appropriate
tells.
Libra cowers into the room.
Jacques greets Libra
Jacques says: Welcome Libra, we need your help because one of our number is
tied up at the moment fighting Dalamar.
Libra vanished
Libra shouts: AFK
Jacques says: .. and Backlog.. er Libra? Libra?
Hulk roars and charges at raindrop sending it flying
Hulk hit raindrop extremely hard
Hulk smashed raindrop with a bonecrushing sound.
A little voice from under his cloak said: He's runned away, he hiding now.
Jacques shook his head in disappointment.
Jacques says: The more you hide, the more they win. Why can't people see that!
Malystryx peeks out from under the cloak for a moment and looked up at Jacques.
Malystryx says: Noone's listening, if they want to hide it's their choice.
Jacques says: but..
Malystryx smiled and said: Stop trying to help them, they aren't worth it yet.
Hulk goes berserk at Weather.
Hulk smashed Weather with a bonecrushing sound
Hulk massacred Weather into small fragments.
Hulk falls into the sea..
Jacques looked up at the sky for a second with pity in his eyes.
Jacques says: You really didn't want to do that!
A huge roar erupted from the sea causing the pier to shake violently. The waves
retreated back a few hundred metres as a rather large and very annoyed Hulk
climbed back onto the pier.
Hulk roared at the sky. It stopped raining and the storm clouds retreated.
Hulk says: SEE! HULK SMASH PUNY WEATHER!
Jacques looked at Hulk and then looked at the sky, before shaking his head in
disbelief.
Malystryx dives out from under the cloak and bounces around happily, and then
looks at Hulk and Jacques.
Malystryx says: who are we waiting for?
Jacques shrugged and said: I guess it's just us for now
Jacques strolled casually up to the crossroads and turned to his companion.
Jacques says: So what do you think? Which way should we go to find this tower?
Hulk says: HULK NOT CARE, HULK SMASH SMALL TOWER.
Jacques says: Yes, but we have to find it first.
Jacques looked about him and paused for a moment. He looked to the east, and
then to the west, advancing slowly and constantly checking east and west he
was slowly making his way over the crossroads when suddenly.
MEEP MEEP!
Jacques is thrown to the ground as a cloud of dust swept its way eastwards.
Coughing and spluttering he gradually picked himself up.
MEEP MEEP!
Jacques hurled himself out of the way as the cloud of dust roared past him
heading westwards. Jacques looked up at Hulk.
Jacques says: What the heck was that?
Hulk says: HULK NOT KNOW, BIG CLOUD COMING NOTHER TIME!
The huge cloud of dust approached at a rate of knots and then suddenly
stopped. Stood is the slowly disappating dust particles was what seemed to be
a blue ostrich. Jacques raised an eyebrow.
Road Runner says : MEEP ! MEEP !
Road runner flicked her tongue and slurped contentedly before vanishing again
in a tornado of dust.
Jacques looked at Hulk and thought for a while. He thought to himself for a
while, and then signaled Hulk to follow.
Jacques says: Where's Malystryx got to, she should have got back by now.
Jacques says: Let's go west.
Jacques charges off eastwards, leaving Hulk stood at the crossroads with a
concentrated look on his face. Hulk looked at the sign in front of him for a
minute.
Hulk says: STOP LOOKING AT ME SIGN. HULK SMASH SIGN!
Hulk raises a fist and crushes the sign. Hulk smiles to himself.
Jacques charges in.
Jacques says: west.
Jacques bangs his head against the nearest wall, before charging off west. Hulk
quietly lumbers after him. As they strolled along the country road towards
the distant magical forest of Driftwood, they admired the scenary, and Jacques
decided it was time to show Hulk some of the beautiful sights of Shangreen.
Jacques says: Well to the north of us is the home of Grogdon the giant, a
rather nice fellow, although he gets...
Hulk stomps off north.
You hear some voices in the distance, the people of shangreen are cheering for
Hulk has defeated Grogdon!.
Hulk arrives.
Jacques says: .. a little upset if people try to get into his house.
Jacques says: It's rather a nice place here, and rumour has it that an
abominable snowman can be found to the south.
Hulk stomps off south.
You hear a roar from the mountains. Hulk now carries the ice sword.
Hulk stomps in.
Jacques paused for a second, and looked up at Hulk. He was just about to say
something when he heard a muffled sniffing sound coming from further up the
path. Jacques charged off to the rescue.
Firmly embedded into the sandy path was a little dwarf struggling to get free,
her eyes filled with tears.
Malystryx sobbed: Help :( Stupid blue meepy meepy thingy ran me over :(
Malystryx sniffed: I'm stuck in the nasty ground, and my lovely thiefy locks
are all ruined.
Jacques helped Malystryx up and brushed the sand off her clothes. Malystryx
burst into tears and snuggled up to Jacques.
Malystryx says: I found the tower! I found the tower!
Malystryx made a little smile and did a little jig.
Malystryx says: follow me!
Malystryx vanished into the shadows.
Jacques admired the clouds. Jacques admired the grass. Jacques admired the
trees. Malystryx appeared and looked a little sheepish.
Jacques says: how exactly was I meant to follow you if we can't see where you
went?
Malystryx sulked for a while and then headed off west. As Jacques gathered his
gear together a huge snowball hit him in the back of the head, followed by 2
more in quick succession.
Malystryx arrives, and giggles to herself before strolling off westwards,
whistling innocently.
Jacques turned to Hulk.
Jacques says: and northwest of here is a huge dragon, which I would love to get
a glimpse of.
Hulk stomps off northwest.
Hulk stomps in dragging corpse of golden dragon.
Jacques says: Yes, when I said I'd like to see it...
Jacques paused for a second.
Jacques says: You need to experience culture, and see the beauty of life. Take
this sign for instance, look at the..
Hulk smashes sign.
Hulk says: HULK SMASH K-U-L-T-R
Jacques says: ah.
Following Malystryx they cut off the main path and headed south along a new
track that delved it's way through some very logn grass before finally stopping
right in front of an old tower.
Jacques, Malystryx and Hulk stood before Slim's Tower and surveyed the area
around them.
Jacques shouts: IN THE NAME OF GETTING INTO SLIMS TOWER AND JUSTICE.....
CHARGE!
Jacques says: Over to you Malystryx, can you get that door open?
Malystryx smiles sneakily and searches around for a wire.
Hulk says: HULK CAN GET DOOR OPEN! WHY NOT ASK HULK!
Jacques says: This is a tough door, and we want to have the advantage of
surprise on our side.
Hulk smashes door with a wooden crushing sound
Hulk slams into door!
Door is too dazed to stay upright.
Door collapses.
Hulk crushed door.
Hulk gains 100% stupidity points.
Malystryx sniffles and kicks Hulk, and then dives quickly behind Jacques.
Jacques walks carefully into the tower. Malystryx follows him into the tower.
Hulk walks into the tower, the tower rocks slightly for a moment but remains
standing. Hulk walks into the doorway.
Inside the tower our heroes grabbed torches before making their way
cautiously..
Hulk yells: HULK NOT UNDERSTAND!
quietly..
Hulk shouts: HULK NOT BE QUIET!
carefully..
Hulk walks into another wall...
loudly...
Hulk yells: HULK LIKE LOUD, HULK CAN SING!
Hulk sings: You swing it to der left, you swing it to der right!
Hulk sings: Left, Right,left, right, youse swing dat club around.
Jacques groans loudly and looks at Malystryx for help.
Hulk sings: Youse do der troll smash..
Part of a wall caves in..
Hulk sings: ...and youse turns around..
Malystryx and Jacques are sent hurling against the far wall.
Hulk sings: ...and youse turns around..
Malystryx and Jacques are sent hurling against the far wall.
Hulk sings: dats wot its all about.
Jacques bursts into tears.
Jacques says: What did I do to deserve this?
Jacques says: Ok Hulk, promise me one thing, you won't smash anything else when
we're in this tower. No smashing.
Hulk says: HULK CAN SMASH
Jacques says: no, no, no hulk not smash this time, hulk can be nice too!
Jacques says: You don't want the gorgeous dragonfire thinking you're not the
man for her do you.
Hulk pauses for a moment. Hulk goes bright red and kicks aimlessly at a wall.
The wall collapses into a pile of rubble.
Hulk says: OK HULK NOT SMASH!
Jacques breathes a sigh of relief, and then goes to prise Malystryx out of the
wall.
Malystryx says: I'm not coming next time if he's here, I always get hurt :(
Jacques says: but what about *THIEFY POWER*?
Malystryx says: Thiefy power, but not when he's around.
Hulk says: I ROUND!
Jacques says: come on quickly, let's find that button.
Jacques and Malystryx head on up the stairs towards the top of the tower.
Hulk says: I ROUND!
Hulk smiles stupidly and walks into a statue.
Hulk says: WHAT YOU WANT
Hulk says: YOU NOT STOP HULK
Hulk says: HULK SMASH PUNY STATUE!
After the dust settled, Hulk walked up the stairs. Jacques and Malystryx were
examing a corridor closely when Hulk found them.
Jacques says: Dead ends, we must have missed something. Where could that button
be?
Hulk says: HULK SMA...
Jacques says: What about dragonfire?
Hulk says: HULK SM..
Malystryx says: dragonfire?
Hulk says: HULK SIT HERE AND WATCH
Hulk pushes against something and falls through a hole in the wall.
Jacques looks up and then looks at Malystryx. Jacques shrugs and grabbing hold
of Malystryx pushes against the wall. They found Hulk covered in the remains of
what appeared to be a large demon.
Hulk looked smug.
Hulk says: HULK NOT SMASH DEMON! HULK JUST SIT DOWN!
Jacques says: so how do you explain these remains.
Hulk says: HULK NOT KNOW!
Malystryx looked at Hulk for a second, and then whispered something to Jacques.
Jacques says: Where exactly did you sit down Hulk?
Hulk points at remains of demon.
Just then Malystryx tapped Jacques on the shoulder and pointed fervently at
the nearby wall.
Malystryx says: look a hidden door, let's see where it goes.
Searching around the room, Malystryx found a lever and pulling it with all her
might.
Pulling it with all her might.....
Pulling it with all her might.....
Malystryx wails: well someone help move it will you!
With the aid of Hulk the door opens and the lever will never be used again.
Preparing themselves carefully our three brave adventurers enter the secret
room. There stood on a pedestal is the button, the button they've searched for
all this time, the end of their quest is near.
Jacques says: so what do we do with the button?
Malystryx says: we turn it!
Malystryx turns the button and nothing happens.
Hulk says: WE SM WE LOOK AT IT!
Hulk glares at the button and nothing happens.
Jacques says: We stroke it!
Jacques strokes the button gently and nothing happens.
Malystryx sits on the floor and begins to play with her pigtails in thought.
Jacques paces softly around the room, constantly looking at the button as
he runs the ideas through his head.
Hulk says: WE SM... SM... SM... SHOUT AT BUTTON!
Hulk shouts at the button and nothing happens.
Jacques says: It's always syntax, I mean everything we've tried makes logical
sense, why doesn't it work. I know.
Jacques pushes the button and nothing happens.
Jacques pushes the button again and nothing happens.
Jaques sighs.
Jacques says: blast I thought that would work! Hmm, maybe it's a trap and
we have to disarm it.
Malystryx disarms button and nothing happens.
Jacques says: ok maybe we need a special item, you two go and find me as many
items that you can in this tower and we'll try those.
Two hours later our three heroes are searching through a huge mound of items
hoping to find something that would help them complete their quest. They had
to push the red button, but so far all their attempts had failed. Malystryx
blamed Hulk, Hulk blamed Jacques, and Jacques blamed Belgarath.
Malystryx tried to ring the button and nothing happened.
Jacques shouts: IN THE NAME OF STUPID RED BUTTONS AND SILLY SYNTAX.... CHARGE!
Jacques charges the button and nothing happens.
Hulk tried to pull the button and nothing happened.
Malystryx tried to steal the button, but Jacques made her put it back.
Four hours later.
Hulk tried to eat button, but it isn't very tasty.
Jacques leans on the button and pushes are hard as he can, but nothing happens.
Malystryx jumped up and down on the button, but nothing happened.
Jacques sighs and looks at his companions.
Jacques says: we've tried everything, push, jump, turn, twist, everything..
Jacques looks at Malystryx, and then at Hulk.
Jacques bangs his head against the nearest wall.
Jacques says: we haven't tried press have we.
Malystryx shakes her head.
Hulk shakes his head.
Jacques walks up to the button
Jacques shouts: IN THE NAME OF RED BUTTON PUSHING AND ABD STOPPING... CHARGE!
Jacques pushes the button and nothing happens.
Jacques pushes the red button and nothing happens.
Jacques screams loudly and pushes the red button on the pedestal and nothing
happens.
Jacques shakes his head in dispair.
Malystryx pounces up to Jacques and pushes the red button on the pedestal in
the middle of the room and nothing happens.
Jacques sighs loudly.
Hulk walks up to the two of them.
Hulk presses the red button on the pedestal in the middle of the SECRET room.
Gamedriver shouts: REBOOT HALTED!